Needless to say when I told my parents they loved me less
@ a funeral. fucking miss uuuu
dude you were so wasted last night you ate a sandwich made out of tomatos, cheese, doritos, salt & pepper. Then you heated it in the micro for 5 min to melt the cheese.
is it bad that listening to the rabbi's wife talk about how we should only be with one person is making me really, really horny for no string attached sex
First date: that requires underwear, huh?
I have a rage boner right now. An actual erection brought on by the amount of sheer hatred I have towards nationwide.
And literally 4loko margaritas are callin my name. They're like "Hey girl come on over here I'll make you forget about grades and boys and it'll be a good idea to send everyone 55 snapchats of your cleavage" ok
I'm in a corner eating carrots and drinking champagne. I've hit a new kind of low.
How is that low? I love carrots.
It's like the dark age of my sex life being stuck here
I just wanna get drunk in a castle. Is that so much to ask?
New life goal: fuck in the shopping cart
It was an all night sausage fest and I was the lady of honor.
Can you please stop having such an active social life? I'm tryna get fucked over here
Wow i just puked in front of the lady that was drug testing me. I passed though!
It's like his penis moved in and did some interior decorating without telling me first...
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