I think I'm going to be in trouble for sneaking out last night. My Dad saw me drive up this morning when he was leaving early for work.
What'd you say?
I told him I was sleep driving
we're chasing vodka with high fives
My "High Times" magazine came in today, as well as my girlfriend's new sex toys. We're calling in sick today.
She just drank the vanilla extract. Again. AGAIN. No one should be that eager to get drunk.
After he called me a "spirited little girl" I realized that I need to stop sleeping with guys more than ten years older than me.
Her life is proof that being a drunken slut will get you places.
This theraflu would make for a great margarita.
I can make a sudafedarita
i figure if i show enough tits, no one will notice my eyebrows.
This late night dumpster diving sesh is making my quads cramp up
Is it bad that I want a job purely so I can buy drugs with without feeling like I am sacrificing my future?
Why do you think I have a job?
What section do you want to sit in? The screaming girls section or the "when you guys were popular I was straight and pretended not to like you guys" section?
These are the last few fleeting sober moments of the day for me. If there is anything you need me to do today, please tell me now
look, my penis is an amusement park, and it's closed for maintenance. why can't you just accept that?
I smell Vodka. It's me. If anyone asks it's totally hand sanitizer.
Someone made a Christmas song to the Flintstones theme and I'm suing for emotional distress.
Randomize
