Uh i was pretty wasted sat, so if i was weird it wasnt me. It was just vodka bein weird w my phone
Tonite tequila might call you
Be prepared
So his roomate was eating breakfast when I was sneaking out. He's the guy I took home from jessicas wedding. I ended up eating coco puffs with him
Just another sign I need to get out of this town
Not me. I think "beastiality" sounds pretty classy.
Last night you were talking while puking saying, "ahh the shoes and the purse, I'm gonna have to wash those"
My passouts and memory loss are great training for when I have alzheimers. You'll know where to look when I get lost.
I would like to apologize for asking to take advantage of you, wishing you a horny Hanukkah and whatever "abd ethw prnym to mzbe yur penis cna be friends" means.
trying to imitate man vs food after 12 shots doesnt mean youll get laid
The investigator asked if we were sharing a pitcher of margaritas. I corrected him and explained that we each had our own.
you flashed my boyfriend last night so i tackled you to the floor. you may be a bit sore.
Well the weed wore off around 10:30 and then the date dragged on until about 1 in the morning. So I've decided I really need to start smoking closer to the actual start time of a date. Then maybe they'd be more bearable.
Is it morally wrong to give today's hookup a Krispy Kreme from yesterday's hookup or is it just fat love?
So it's safe to say that it's all down hill from here
Do you mean easy livin or downward spiral of alcoholism and disappointment
So do I get to ride the beginning of the November stache or what?
On a scale from 1 to total dick, how inappropriate is it to pick your boyfriend up from rehab with a hangover?
I turned on Elf, made myself a mojito, and am eating one of a sleeve of Ritz. You tell me if I wanna go out tonight.
Randomize
