Omfg I am plowed. Had drinks with 3 milfs. Going out on their boat tomorrow. They want to show me how buoyant they are.
So I just watched the Lakers/Magic game so I could have something to talk about with him after we have sex this time
What I lack in compassion I make up for in lack of compassion
You coming out tonight? We gotta hang out before I move to Madison. BTW I'm moving to Madison.
you're just mad cause i madeout with you while having a mouth full of chewed pretzels
guess who's eating a vending machine cheese danish, has no panties on, and is still the classiest bitch at this bus stop?
I just won't go as hard tonight. Four dollar ladies night drink or drown is not a good idea for me. I like to get my money's worth.
She just told me she had a double jointed jaw and winked at me while eating her bananna. That's not possible right?
Does buying my brother condoms for Christmas say "keep having sex with her, I like her" or "dear god, do not get this girl pregnant"?
A particularly funny moment you may have missed; you walked in to the basement to announce that whoever was cooking sausages had left them on the grill for Hella long, only to be told that you were in fact the person grilling. At which point you just said, "the sausages are done" and walked out
Dude I'm driving around California right now hiding little bags of weed in random places like Easter eggs so that I can come back and find them later
I need to go back to work. I've had so much sex since the shutdown started. last night we tried and a little flag came out saying "nothing is left in here try a week later"
You guys I wore sweatpants to work today because I simply forgot to put on real pants and I had a weed brownie and a juice box for breakfast. I am not ready for parenting.
He started yelling terms of endearment at a cheese sandwich. Then he tried to hump it.
What are you bringing to class tomorrow?
sorrow
Randomize
