My dad just told me he used to masturbate to cat woman...he then proceeded to beat my brother in beer pong and wont let me play...
If no ones going to say it, then I will. Vanessa Hudgens boobs are weird looking
I texted her sayin "I gotta brush my teethn then Im omw" maybe hint to do the same
I can die happy now, I have been kicked out of strip clubs on six different continents
Seriously. Doesn't matter if I went out last night, work is like crafts class w.a side of facebook
It just hit me that i made out with someone's mom last night
The coffee from our coffee maker just hasn't tasted normal since we made Mac n cheese in it that one time....
not sure how we got back down, broken rib says we didn't use stairs
Single person behavior: I wanted a cookie but was too lazy to make or go buy any, so I let cookie dough ice cream melt and ate all the chunks. Pantsless.
Will that be creepy to wake him up at midnight with my tongue all over his body??
You did a cartwheel, it was terrible.
I remember that cartwheel, it was okay.
In the middle of pounding my asshole he stopped and said, "do you want to get breakfast after this?"
Drunk you wants to be petty, not you you.
I don't get a "my roommate is fucking you" discount?!
I thought it turned out lovely. You got to see me almost naked and I got to be stoned to the point I was content with
Wtf when were you almost naked??
Randomize
