Got a little crazy huh? Happy st pattys day. None of you have any idea where my credit card would be do you? How do i always lose
Alex texted me. Bootycall boy #2. its like an alarm goes off once i'm single that the line is open again
some people wear their heart on their sleeve but you just wear your vagina on your face.
We didn't need to cut her off. I'm pretty sure the lit candle she almost drank would have done it for us
The guy in the cast riped the tap off the keg and hit steve with it
It's not quite a landing strip... It's more like a soul patch for my vagina.
they still hired me even though my background check came back with a warrent for my arrest.
Fyi: beer caps are stronger then bathroom counters
Just had a horrible realization. I've fucked a guy with a webbed foot AND a guy with a third nipple.
Just applied for assistance with paying my hospital bill from my alcohol poisoning at age 16 while still a little drunk from last night. What is my life.
Circle of life?
At 2pm we are having a MANDITORY house meeting about last night. ALL must be in attendance!
I'd like to review the planning and execution of the party to determine how we hosted a naked party, to determine how we can have more.
holy shit the yoga instructor bought his baby pig to class today
Just so you know, you called at 2 last night and kept making me tell you that I loved you and then when you got home you thanked me for walking you home. Incase you forgot, I'm still about 200 miles away.
Oh btw, ur tongue should count as a second cock it's that good
I guess I called her at 2am, demanding that she bring us food. She told us to order pizza, and I yelled "DON'T MENTION PIZZA!" I recall nothing.
Randomize
