Doo rag and shades in the bar. You are missing your future husband.
You can only be slapped by Eastern European waitresses so many times. I guess they don't want my huge cock in their iron curtain
Yeah, I tried playing the "see how long he can stay inside of me" game.. And I lost.
Last night, my friend changed all my contacts in my phone. I have been texted by Batman, Donatello, and Hermione Granger. I have no idea who they are, and it doesn't upset me at all.
I made out with the bride. You tell me how my night was
i was trying to give him roadhead and my tits kept knocking his cheap shifter into neutral...was the first time my tits have ever cock blocked me
She just got in car wreck. Wreck sex is better than break up sex
I basically get to watch her life fall apart via tumblr updates
Oh and jess is gonna pee in our guest bedroom to mark her territory.
I woke up wearing a lax pinnie under my shirt, a triathlon medal, and a dora backpack... I think I had fun
Found my id. It was in the cats litter box. Seriously what was last night.
Nothing makes the walk of shame as great as disapproval from a mom getting ready for work
Please don't throw the wedding bouquet at me
Hey, I'm 22. I'm allowed to have a sex life and you're going to hear about it.
We dont have cups... so were doing shots out of bowls like puppies
Randomize
