Its not drinking alone if you got Tiger on the Wii.
he gave me a new purse full of weed and five boxes of samoas for my birthday. best boyfriend ever.
im sorry for trying to flush a roll of toilet paper down with my puke. probably not great for your toilet
anyone who says having children is the best experience of their life obviously has never seen a vending machine carry vodka in Capri sun pouches.
You look me right in the eyes and yelled "By the power of the superglue beer sword, I designate you my driver!" I almost felt honored.
If you get me so fucked up I can't use the microwave , I'm going to be so mad at you
Apparently after awhile self preservation trumps libido. This is new news to me.
Yea I've gotten enough hickeys in my life to know what I'd look like with a neck tattoo. I think I'm getting a neck tattoo.
I can't blame him for thinking that then, placing a cone shaped potato chip on the tip of his penis post bj is not a normal act of love
She left her panties here. They looked SOOO much smaller last night.
How do we stop her downward spiral?
Wine. For us.
Well yes he stayed. He brought Guiness, them he shaved me. It's a long, but beautiful story.
I want to have sex with Will Smith. I guess I have a thing with 90s sitcom stars. Stamos, Joey Lawrence, John Goodman.
Some nights you just end up digging your mcdouble out of the trash and eating it. it happens.
Sorry I fucked your cousin. Again. I just wanted him to take me on his boat.
Randomize
