i woke up to see him pissing on your n64. thats like killing a unicorn. punishable by death for sure.
I need to find my pants, a way out of here, and a cheeseburger.
Actually, considering the facts that I am wearing a duct tape dress and eating a gas station quesadilla, I am pretty good.
I'm sorry I put you in the washing machine. I honestly thought you would fit.
Would you have sex with a guy wearing a Batman mask?
It's all hypothetical, I don't have a Batman mask... yet...
Im the proud new owner of the campus speed bump sign
he told me while inside me and mid thrust that he's dreamed of that moment since high school... awkward
You said that when your ex gave you a blowjob her mouth was like velvet
she pretty much pinned my hand to her boob "on accident" for like 10 seconds before she moved. Waiting the rest of the night was just a formality.
If I never see my landlord's dick again, it'll be too soon.
I'm at a restaurant. I am NOT about to discuss my asshole over the phone.
Don't worry, I'm sure your thrusting skills are on point.
The dude is a cop how would I ever date a cop I wouldn't be able to talk about the first TWENTY-SEVEN years of my life!
No actually you're a pro. You puked on the cab ride, and managed to completely contain it in your purse. the cabbie was even impressed.
Topless, eating sour gummies, doing a crossword, at 4 AM. TELL ME IM BEAUTIFUL!
Randomize
