Dude, don't freak out but the girl who stuck the hair brush in her ass is here. I can't look her in the eye!!
P.S. I can't hear my feet
he borrowed my computer and saw his name in my recent google searches. Things got awkward real fast.
this year's halloween challenge: make audrey hepburn go from classy to slutty drunk
new plan: i think the keg will fit in my purse.
she's like the billy mays of hookups...touch my boobs and i'll throw in this blow job ABSOLUTELY FREE
Does Jim keep sending you pics of him in drag too???? If so, are you also slightly uncomfortable?
I walked in her room to find her rubbing lotion on her face high as fuck.
For the first time in my 26 years of life, I'm washing jizz out of my ponytail.... High five yourself later.
Adding to the list of things I have said out loud at the bar that I shouldn't have: "I am the yoda of sucking dick"
She helped me out of the car and i face planted into the snow.....and just stayed there and took like a 30 min nap.
Also this just in, I think you could see my sequins underwear that say unwrap me through my leggings all day while I hung out with his family
that was the most beautifully crafted sentence ive ever read that involved the phrase "genitals or whatever"
As I was blowing him, he proceeded to tell me that his friend who I blew years ago gave me a five star review on my BJ skills. And, he agrees.
Atta girl.
I just want to find somebody intelligent enough to trick my parents into thinking she's not a trophy wife. Is that too much to ask?
Randomize
