mom just said that her bf is good in bed. fml.
i am watching a movie about a vagina with teeth and then you sent that to me while im eating sushi.
I sometimes wonder how many of the girls I know have done anal...and why none of them have ever dated me.
do you have any idea why i woke up naked spooning my toaster?
I told him I was prego. He asked coul we do it without a condom now since I cldn't get any pregnanter. What an a-hole.
I am sleeping on the floor in your room so if you have sex in here just don't roll on me
my hip hurts so fuckin bad. and I just found a half eaten burrito in my nightstand drawer.
I've been timing it. He's been showering alone for 33 minutes. 4 minutes ago, he said "truth or dare." haven't heard anything since.
You should not be allowed to go away on the weekends I plan on getting drunk on. I need someone to stop me from punching this guy in the face. It's simple room mate etiquette.
And my nipple is sore from him biting it. That is not a complaint.
Reports of my death were greatly exaggerated.
Summary of my night: made out with a complete stranger at a club dressed in the Geico gecko costume...
I gave him head while despicable me 2 played in the background. I think I disappointed the minions
I'm cooling my balls with a beer because I'm too cheap to turn on the AC
The night they met I slept with both of them. Of course I'm best man.
Pretty sure the delivery guy saw me taking a shit this morning
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