Like my Aunt Merial always says ... big dicks, big dicks.
You put your red cup in a chain link fence and kept telling me you could use it as a telescope
which bright sisters idea was it to put semi-formal in the middle of no-shave november?
You just kept mumbling, "Shit shit shit, the muffin man owes me money." Repeatedly.
I finally won that bet on when the anorexic girl would pass out at the gym. You owe me 10 now
I'm pretty sure you called me last night and screamed that she was force-feeding you a bagel.
3 things. 1. is this real life 2. my liver hates me 3. keg race tonight
Remember when we made you finish your beer after you puked into your glass?
i hate being the asshole.
I send him pictures of my tits whenever I feel like he's paying too much attention to his girlfriend.
what's the proper way to say, "I'm sorry for puking on you and your bed mid hook up then going downstairs and fucking your roommate because you locked me out of your room completely naked...?"
I had a really bad dream about us drinking this weekend. Remind me to tell you Friday when we start drinking
Just had an orgasim to the Star Spangled Banner so.. it was all worth it.
I keep worrying the police are going to come looking for us.
For which one? Starting a fire on my porch or having sex on my porch?
I need to find a more reliable booty-call so I can start dating people and take it slow.
You don't understand. This boy has the Mona Lisa of cocks.
Randomize
