rainy day on campus = new personal fetish for girls in booty shorts and colorful rain boots
Just saw a guy at the gas station legitimately dressed in exactly what my costume was last night. Fuck his life.
Dude he's not responding... I'll take that as an unpleasant visit to the clinic
Oh god he's like Julia Roberts in pretty woman... And I'm the one who's gotta make a lady out of him.
Nothing like the It's a Small World ride at Disneyland to remind you to take your birth control. I took it on the boat yesterday
Nope if you can't be there for me emotionally, then my vagina can't be there for you physically. That's my rule.
Having a midget officiate your wedding because you think it'd be hilarious: good idea or potential lawsuit?
Pretty sure I sang "What Makes You Beautiful" to some random guy in a parking lot last night...
Who'd have thought a guy with a lisp would be so good with his tongue?
You tried to wave to Meg on Family Guy and got upset because she wasn't waving back
Have you forgotten that this whole sexy cop role play started with a comment about my mom?
My pizza delivery guy was so hot I was like omg please let this be the beginning of a porno
It's a family event: you have to drink. No way around it. Its the law.
Took it for the first time last night, and i saw a giant pillsbury boy coming after me with a wrench in his hand.
Is it wrong to want to use the Dark Web to buy Vyvance for legitimate purposes?
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