I just wanted to let you know that if you dont tell me to stop texting i will still keep on trying, you matter to me
restraining order is on its way, crazy bitch
Dude I wish you were here. I'm innthe back seat and it looks like outer space and everything feels like rice. idk. wtf.
I dumped him because he's never seen star wars. I'm certain I did the right thing.
her facebook's as public as her vagina
The wedding was scheduled to start 5 min. ago. 20 people here so far, groomsmen in tees and jeans, catering by Costo. NO ONE OUR AGE IS READY FOR MARRIAGE!
That's the last time I try to be adventurous at a gas station
I'm bakin' bread in my pussy!
What?
I have a yeast infection.
Had sex and ran 2.8 miles all before 7:30am. This is going to be a very productive Monday.
You know it's a good Halloween party when a guy wearing a light-up sombrero offers you blow.
I just came so hard my vision went blurry. I can only hope one day I'll find a man that can accomplish what my left hand does on a tri-daily basis.
WHO THE FUCK PEED IN MY BONG
I was so high I watched a 5 minute video of different scenes of horses running. The music was magical.
Pulling on my sock literally just took me 5 minutes.. The hangover is real
Just ignore the penis. It's won't bother you. I promise.
You put THAT much Jager in me and expect me to realize when things are a bad idea?
Randomize
