I hope God doesn't listen to everybody on a Saturday night.
she said she'd get any tattoo I wanted ... so she's getting a large crossword puzzle as a tramp stamp. I'm the Einstein of doggy style
Brought a cooler and a case to a parade. I'm getting dirty looks since it's 10:30. Telling people it's for the troops.
I can't believe im sexting my roommate. This is really what my life has come to
nope, if she's going to skank it up with ginge-a-saurus douche she deserves the silent treatment.
Ideas for halloween. We need simple yet hilarious. Cheap yet effective. Slutty yet acceptable. Go.
I think I'm goin to jail but either way I had a blast.
Have you ever stopped and thought "I do NOT want to be inside of this person right now. Or ever." Because you should.
It was like a Thanksgiving meal, which you spend 8 hours cooking, and the family wolfs down in 20 minutes. All that flirting and build-up for like 90 seconds of pumping and he was gone in a flash, never to be heard from again.
He got me a cake that said " Congratulations on the dick "
I made out with drunk Joe Dirt and then put his mullet wig on for him. True Halloween romance.
I feel like Captain Morgan shit all over my hopes and dreams last night...
Do you remember telling our cab driver you were going to fuck a penguin?
By the end of our first date my penis was pierced.
He's making me do the dishes for the next month and half because I shit in the bath tub...
Randomize
