We will have to stop frequently for food, stretching legs, interesting things on the side of the road, and sex. So you might as well eat.
so i realized that everyone figured out i was a slut before i did. then i realized that no one felt like telling me. sometimes i think you just keep me around for entertainment.
you're right.
Instead of asking if I had a condom she literally said " I'm not on the pill but I'm pro choice... your move"... I'm in love
she likes to give head while listening to britney spears, getting blown by a girl with headphones on is a nice level of separation
they're mlb prospects.. of course i'm gonna bang one of them.
I'm gonna fingerblast you when you get off work. Get ready.
after tonight, seriously nothing could taste better than toothpaste
In a shocking revelation, I learned that the Easter Sunday shit show happened not because of vodka but because my gay neighbor drugged me.
I think it's safe to say I'm rolling my hypothetical balls off
Children cease to be precious when they crap their shorts in the pool I exercise at.
Today was my cousin's Kindergarten graduation. I happen to also think of it as a MILF convention.
She thinks you guys are the gods of the bathroom. If she runs past you naked, give me a heads up
Like either my tits got bigger or I've succumbed to Trumps tiny hand syndrome
He just got out of surgery, almost died from shooting him self with an arrow.
I’m traumatised. Bring vodka and condoms.
Randomize
