it was like she wanted to be a once a week night stand
I just counted my steps so I know when you start looking for you on my way back from the bathroom
You know how us drunks love counting steps
Those motion detector trash cans don't work fast enough to catch puke.
Its not christmas eve unless I give him head. I wont take no for an answer
Next year we will be 30 and no more shots during the week.
It's christmas eve and my mom blacked out before me. If she beat me at that, what have I been learning at college?
You should really trust me on this one. "hit it and quit it" might not be the best career move on your part...
How would I get in touch with Carly Rae Jepsen if I wanted to thank her for the loss of my virginity?
Children cease to be precious when they crap their shorts in the pool I exercise at.
I should rephrase... I'm trying to not sit on other peoples faces besides my boyfriends.
i was on the fire escape while he ate me out for a while before i realized he had shut the door behind us and locked us out and i proceeded to climb down the stairs and climb back into the party through the window.
i can only hope to be on your level one day.
You gave my cousin a blowjob and are facebook friends with my mom. Is there a name for this level of friendship?
Never in my life did I think i would give a blow job in the bathroom of my old elementary school. Twice.
Grabbed the cop's ass and he still arrested Heather instead. Victory is mine!!
I’m good. I learned that a guy ate the mushrooms that were growing out of his toilet, so there’s that.
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