dont try to nair your balls. i speak from experience
Oh god. It's my first day here, I'm still drunk and somebody just drifted in a forklift. I'm going to die.
we are cloud gazing and there is one that looks like a giant baby riding a dolphin and smoking a joint
i wish there was a reasonable explanation for why this reminds me of you
He was sitting at the table eating ice and said, "I'm pretty sure everyone in my family has nipples."
We're watching a video in class about cheese. The scoring for it sounds like that of a Lifetime movie. My mind is creative. I've continued my own story in my head of a wheel of cheese that was raped and murdered. It's so sad. I hope they get the guy. Btw, the video is about marketing.
Home safe. Took me everything not to stop and pick up some random cat that looked like an ocelot tho.
We had a pillow fight. It looks like an angel exploded here. A DRUNK ALCOHOLIC ANGEL
Lesson learned the hard way. If it's a "no" on a dating site, it's also a no if you ever run into the person anyplace in public. It's a slap if you mention wanting to poke.
I'll pass on that plan. The lack of my penis in new vaginas is no where on the itinerary.
Your life is quite full of dick lately.
It really is!
Everything is bullshit and I hate everyone
He's completely obsessed with his ex but gives phenomenal head. So overall, yeah, good first date.
just so it's not awkward when you get here, you and my dog have the same name.
Hahaha nice
I mean I'm completely serious and also drunk.
What a great combination.
I miss my innocence.
I miss being able to say, "I've never done this before."
Randomize
