He toold me that when we were younger I was his boner buddy.
the cops didnt even wait to start drinking the confiscated alchohol from the party
forced to watch US open for father's day. only perk is discovering dustin johnson...reeeeally hoping that this golf sex addiction thing is contagious
It took 5 minutes to find my bra.. in his car.
I respect you for how well you shave your vagina. It isn't easy and my dick faces out, not in.
I just told a squirrel he was gonna suffocate because he was eating a plastic bag. and i stared at him till he spit it out. Its official, I love squirrels more than people. they actually listen.
So it turns out that my mom and her dad used to hook up when they were our age
Never been so glad that I look so much like my dad that there's no question as to my paternity
I climbed through his window to find him already with another booty call. This wouldn't have happened if I could upgrade from my 7th grade scooter to a real car.
…If I were you I wouldn't use that as part of your argument to your dad for a car
my star wars tattoo got me laid last night. definitely a dark side sort of benefit im thinking
he came to me for relationship advice and we ended up fucking in my backseat
I know it's 10:30am but Finding Dory starts in an hour, and I have four points of molly. You down?
i just woke up, first off why is there pineapple everywhere and who's underwear is on my ceiling fan ?
I guess I was running around slapping people in the face with a slice of turkey telling them that the only way to beat alcohol addiction is to go cold turkey.
Pooping in a box is not fun. You're not a cat.
never have sex with a mint flavored condom on. my vagina is on fire.
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