I feel like if im whacking off more now that i have a gf than i did when i was single, somethings wrong.
Breakfast is bomb, yo. McDonald's before ten thirty is like Katie Holmes before Tom Cruise.
Yeah but if I do that, I'd have to buy my own stomach pump for the house. That doesn't seem like a great thing to have sitting on the coffee table.
she told me she sucks everyone's dick but mine because mine is too big and "hard to suck" i need to reevaluate the girls i fall in love with.
I've never heard a "this is the reason why i dont suck your cock" explanation go in that direction
I can't believe you're trying to guilt me into a blow j because a tornado made you homeless.
Is it working?
Not sure. We'll pass out on that bridge when we stumble to it.
She's pathetic and vulnerable..and short. Thats his type.
I'm not wearing underwear, I started my period this morning, and it's super windy. Recipe for disaster?
I'm a gymnast. they should know better than to let me get dunk near anything i can flip on
I went to bed at ten on a Friday night I have virtues to spare
I sliced my fucking arm open last night after margarita madness and had to drive myself to the ER. Got six stitches and a social worker came in and asked if I was abused due to my sex bruises. I literally had to tell her "don't worry, I like it rough"
Hold your horses dude. Titty pics are a work of art.
note: just because the casino is called bourbon street, it doesn't mean you can puke and keep walking and no one will care. chalk me up for another 86
So, it's been almost 3 months and and I still dont know her last name. That's gotta be a record.
I just woke up with a cowboy hat on my face and a playboy from the 90s on my chest
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