you tried to scramble eggs in my dryer last night. i want you here in 15 minutes to clean this shit up
he is so annoying
so stop sleeping with him
yeah but he is so hot when i'm drunk
my grandma was just praying before dinner, and before she could finish my gpa lifted his glass and said 'and here's to avatar!'
I just sat through a State Farm mortgage Insurance commercial to watch a Trick Daddy video. Is this the target audience they are going for here?
Just induced vomiting to put out a carpet fire.
Everyone is cheering
I was trying to be quiet until started to feel like my cock was being dipped in a rainbow and then I stopped caring temporarily
I just passed a kid trying to leave on a lawn mower
CALL 911 HAND IS STUCK IN THE GARBAGE DISPOSAL. HELP
Do we still have any pizza left from last night?
She doesn't even know his real name...he just keeps calling himself Hans the Third
I rammed pretzels and Jell-O shots down the throats of those I loved.
He gave me the choice between a threeway with his best friend or a tiny turtle. Unfortunately I chose the threeway.
Okay, so when I go to meet your grandma, let's do a quick cum check to we don't have another "what's that on your face?" situation.
I can see their wedding vows now: 'Til basicness do us part
i'm not so sure everythign we did last night was legal...
How is it that on the one day I'm just moving my car at 6:30 I get the walk of shame looks but when I come home at 9 am in a torn dress holding heels old ladies smile at me?
Randomize
