Last night i was gna tell u about how i was watching project runway & how i was upset bc they replaced tim gunn & heidi klum. but then i realized that i was watching mythbusters.
True life - we need to smoke together more often
Living right is spending a lot of time in someone's ass
Am i fat?
Well i wouldnt let you on top
Well, they emptied out the keg by the third kegstand for America.
I'm pretty sure we organized our beer pong teams according to who's been circumsized...
You said you wanted to start a restaurant called 'Barbecue' where everything is barbecued. You sounded really proud of your concept.
maybe volvos are so family friendly and safe because they're extremely uncomfortable to get fucked on.
If I die young bury me in satin. And make sure there's a taco bar at my funeral.
I never thought I would be having sex behind a shower curtain that wasn't in a bathroom.
They have a house rule that you get a composite for every 5 guys you sleep with. Where should I hang my new one?
I think I used my NERF gun during sexual roleplay. Need to re-evaluate my life choices.
Well you ended up trying to convince two Greek girls that you were Greek, but failed massively by shouting at them in Spanish, and then almost vomiting after taking way too much snuff. Maybe lay off the guinness next time?
I guess the wine stains on your shirt and the $2 vodka tonics you're sweating out just scream, "Welcome to DC, please ask me for directions."
I think putting on real pants was half my issue with today
I love how u said nothing about the sidewalk sex but refused shower sex
Randomize
