OMFG, I'm seriously about to get fairly unpolite with this guy.
Wow. I bet he's shakin' in his boots.
and that's when the elephants and penises started dancing on the ceiling
rubbing her clit was like playing thumb war
someone just puked in the library. they put up caution tape. i totally underestimated finals week.
He was probably pissed, but i couldn't tell for sure. How pissed can someone really look while holding a fishbowl mimosa?
We tried. It's impossible to cum while bouncing on a trampoline. It's like trying to sneeze while keeping your eyes open.
Like, actually questioning if you ate dog shit last night
Come on. I'll make you hot pockets. Literally and sexually.
He's upstairs shouting 'FUCK OFF I'M IN MY MOTHERFUCKING ZEN ZONE' out of the window.
I texted him 3 days ago he said he was pre gaming for the Super Bowl today he just text" gtomajg kaka hee 48!!!"
About to go get a free burrito for kissing a bald man in public
Some toppless girl just walked past me in the hall and gave me half a carton of smokes. I have never been more aroused.
She said she was hoping I'd be hotter. I told her I didn't see anybody standing in line to titty fuck her either. She was a great kisser.
you said "it's karaoke night" and tried to use my dick as a microphone
Last night I had a dream that a man with an ice cream body entered a bicycle throwing contest and won.
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