his personality makes his face look like an asshole.
Your dick is once again the conversation topic.
I just found out that my father was a Human condom for halloween when I was 4. And to think I used to wonder where my sense of humor came from.
I am dripping wet and slathered in glitter and banana mush. I love gay guys.
you're close to getting here right? Because if you're still not here and I have to get dressed to answer the door for the pizza guy, i'm tipping him $100 on your credit card to spite you
Yeah things got weird. You ate an entire bag of hotdog buns, then tried to catch a tree on fire with a candle.
He said he wouldn't use a condom because he didn't want to kill anymore trees.
Sorry girl, my dick is like a rollercoaster. You only get a picture after you ride
We just started the day with vitamin bombs. Daily vitamin + whatever's left in your glass from last night = feel like a champion
I just can't deal with that sentence
He's basically wearing those Nike boner sweatpants. It's hard not to jump him. How has your day been?
We did it in the bathroom in Taco Bell. We didn't buy anything before we left, which I thought was rude.
I've reached the gravitational age where it's very hard to get my face and my boobs in the same shot without some kind of yoga involved .
I was chasing pulls of fireball with bites of a bagel and yelling at people to take tequila shots with me. I shouldn't be allowed to go out alone.
I'm very aware of my heart moving the blood in my body.
Why did u text me "I want to get drunk and go to pizza hut tomorrow. don't let me forget." at 3am??
That text was pretty fucking self-explanatory, man.
Randomize
