a man that wears gold spandex underwear and party boys other people is a man after my own heart.
It was all about her orgasm last night. I felt like a human dildo.
I puked in the coffee maker. I wouldn't make coffee tomorrow morning if I were you
I'm pre-party power houring. It's so catchy I couldn't not do it
Well that's another check off the sexual bucketlist of things I never wanted to experience.
That's the best thing about having gay dads, you don't gotta do shit on mothers da and everybody is down wit getting wasted on mimosas at brunch
Also. When I die, I'm gonna have them put me in the casket naked and then have an open casket funeral. That will be my last chance to make people uncomfortable.
He saved you from those guys at the club, took you home, and made you breakfast. If this isn't your come to Jesus moment IDK what is.
The bartender had to walk me home last night. New high or new low?
You have 4 bottles of kahlua in ur drawers but no sox
I'm facebook/twitter stalking the guy I just slept with as he's passed out next to me. What a time to be alive...
I can't sleep. My mind keeps asking "turn down for what?" but it won't accept any of my answers.
We were fucking in the boat on the lake when another boat saw us and honked their appreciation.
he drank half a bottle of bushmills, stood up to pee over the side, pissed his pants, sat in the puddle on the deck, told me my life goals were stupid and impossible, and wouldn't leave until 5am. by the time I got up at 8 I had 4 texts and 2 fb messages from him. AND HE STILL THINKS IT WENT WELL
I apologize for there being a shopping cart in the living room. I don't know how why or where i got it.
Randomize
