Great. Don't do shady things like that ok?
She left me with blue balls so I jerked off on her french toast in the morning.
Update. It gets worse. A) he's done viagra and B) he wears socks at all times.
Omg. There's def a kid, like 10 years old, sitting in a buggy at wal mart holding a sign that reads "I can't behave"
I'm sick of being broke. I had vicodin and frosting for lunch.
The girl who overdosed in the bathroom at work is back....help?
being pregnant is like rehab
Hey remember that night when you sang Fergie to me? I think that's the exact moment in time when the thought "I could be faithful to this man" came into serious consideration.
I'm still me, I just happen to have things in my porn library that you may not have expected
Only you would come out as bi like that
I used an emoji to tell him I was pregnant. I should feel bad about that, right?
Taking body shots off hot Camren. Get here now.
Rum and your dick are involved. You're relying on the unreliable narrator.
I'm sitting here drinking whisky and listening to The Wiggles, I don't need a social life
i saved a drunk oompa loompa he was passed out on the lawn and i picked him up figured out where he lived and put him in his bed and wrote his roommate a note
it was like 6 shots in and he was automatically my type
Randomize
