are you still at the devil's house?
I wish I was a guy so I could jack myself off anytime I wanted to
can you please tell me why I'm bleeding so heavily from my ass and all my makeup is gone?
I need to not be around brick walls while intoxicated.
You don't understand. He was so ginger that he could make red hair a dominant gene. And I refuse to torture my future spawn like that.
Definitely want to eloquently cunt punt those bitches thru the field goals of life.
my favorite homeless guy just told me I drive like Batman, achievement unlocked
He called me on my way to the bathroom and told me he wanted to hear me pee my beers out... That. Drunk.
I broke down outside of an all boys correctional facility
well if that's not a gay porn waiting to happen, i dont know what is...
Ummm, my mojito just spilled on 2 essays as I'm grading. Who says high schoolers have all the fun?
sweet sixteen by hillary duff just came on and i feel like i let lizzie mcguire down for being such a stoner
First week is awesome. Freshman girls prancing around everywhere like newborn baby deer looking for a dick to jump on
I'm going to bed early so football can come sooner
I feel like there should be a 'roommate information section' of the paperwork when there's a chance you'll be given pain killers.
We were on the beach when you spilled sand in the bottle and said "relax it's vodka, it'll disinfect itself"
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