My mom foundout about my dui nd just called me to come home. I just took acid like 30 min ago. Wht should i do?
O no, u 2 are dating again?
No. I just masturbate furiously to his picture
i just did my hair and make up to walk our dogs.. I hate being the single roommate
She pulled a cheeseburger out of her purse. I have missed her so much.
THAT WAS PROBABLY MY ONE CHANCE TO SLEEP WITH A MAN NAMED BORIS AND YOU RUINED IT.
I had a dream she was puking on me, but sadly in real life she was puking on me too
He said and I quote "Had to beat one off in the Burger King bathroom before I went over." Thats somebody that takes pride in his work.
He's not actually Jewish. Turns out he just wears the yarmulke to cover his bald spot.
You're cock blocking me from my own boyfriend. What kind of shit is that?
his brother walked in while we were fucking on the couch, told me i had "lovely jugs" and offered to make both of us a drink
Apparently he walked into the room and started yelling at some huge hairy dude to get out of my room. Except it wasn't my room... Because he was on the fourth floor.
I don't want to be "that guy" but I may have accidentally sent a dick pic to your mom
He's got the good dick trifecta - flip phone, works outside, bed with no headboard.
Just got invited to a tree party by some random chicks. They're literally just sitting up in a tree with a handle of rum and a box of goldfish crackers and yelled at me as I was walking by...
Weird. And pubic lice are now endangered so your hairy balls can rest easy
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