Is there a reason "Call me when you're legal" is written on my arm? I'm 22..
Uhh me and Jacque peed on the street outside the bar last night and wiped with flowers. I vaguely remember her repeating the word "fresh" over and over.
There was jim beam in your oven. I just preheated it.
i got excepted to unl lol
You mean "accepted".
even iPhones love lady gaga. everytime I type haha it trys to correct it to gaga. this is bullshit...
He's been grabbing my ass as a greeting since 2004, sex was overdue
He came up there while i was bartending, ate a salad, told me he wanted to divorce me, then tipped me 10 dollars....
she was passed out on the moving sidewalks in the airport, we NEED to travel more often
The chick working the drive through at BK on New Years stuck her head out the window and told me there were no line ups for the bathrooms inside so i should go in there. I just kept squatting and peeing and told her it would prob help business.
Those titties aren't worth a lifetime of listening to her talk about gluten free yams and japanese manga.
I'm taking tokes in the bath tub, come if you want, I'm naked and you have to bring chicken nuggets or else you can't come in
he could've at least fucked me twice. that's just common courtesy.
I did it on acid. I can cook bacon on any condition
He tried to do the do on me last night and my exact words were "stay away from my princess parts. they're renovating."
Do you recall asking me to zip line through your wedding dressed as a bleeding angel?
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