She calls her new ritual "bed, bath, and beyond crunk". Hence why I found her passed out in my bath tub this morning.
I just asked my hair stylist how many percocets she'd do my hair for.
so we started it doggy style, but since we were really drunk kinda fell to the side and turned into a 'lazy dog'... my new favorite position btw
I thought the one perk of the low caliber of men I've slept with thus far in my college career is that I would never run into them in the library. I've been here for ten minutes and we're on number three.
Asking him not to sleep with other girls is like asking me not to have my period apparently
YOU COME FROM SAD WHALE FAMILY, DEEP IN OCEAN!
The bartender seems to not like the DD's anymore. I'm sad
Also, I found your gauge.
I found it under my pillow like a gift from the Sex Fairy.
Honestly I have a huge freedom boner right now and if I came it would be red white and blue
I'm pretty sure he's playing the harmonica in my shower right now. I just really need to pee.
I wore my Gollum shirt. It struck up a conversation AND got him staring at my boobs. That's a win-win.
I didn't tell that thing I wasn't coming over. Whoops
You know you haven't dated in a while when you call boys "that thing" and call dates "a boy type thing."
I'm not asking for life coaching, I'm just asking if you know where I left my underpants.
He said it only counts if it ends up on the internet
I sat on his face and watched Mean Girls. It was a good date.
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