I'm just that much of a man that I can watch Ellen and Oprah back to back and still like girls.
I mean I'm basically single. Or maybe just an asshole. Either way.
he wanted me to put the condom on for him. I was high and couldn't figure it out.. so instead we played xbox.
Dude idk, apparently telling two drunk chicks 'that's whats up' after watching them lick eachother's face wasn't the compliment they were looking for. I mean I was fucking hammered.
Wow.
I've never known a guy to fuck more random girls in the ass then Dom. His rectal kill ratio is at like 85%
He's like the Derek Jeter of Anal
In less than 24 hrs I went from conversing with Nobel Laureate, to hangover vomiting in front of a drive thru cashier
Dear slutty diary: I lied about feeling guilty of being a homewrecker in order to have more sex. it worked.
I'm so high I would give anything in the world to be inside my lava lamp right now
I punted my pants across my apt at my roommate last night. Everything else is kinda fuzzy.
I'm beginning to worry that I seem to get along best with people when I'm naked with them.
fuck whipped cream. I'd eat vegetables off those abs
You fell asleep standing up against the shower wall
Quick I need a sexy way to say "suck your balls"
I was amazing, unlike anything he's ever experienced. I somehow made him feel young and old.and he never felt old before. He feels I will literally kill him. With my magic, lethal vagina.
Grandpa just whipped it out and started pissing on the way to the game stuck in traffic. I saw EVERYTHING. :(
Randomize
