Memo to the bitch sitting across from me at Swamp: no one thinks you're classy with your Louis Vuitton and your Burberry scarf when you're dragging on that cig like it was the last cock on earth and you needed cum for sustenance.
I fucked the bump it out of her hair. just had to let everyone know.
No we didn't have sex. I got my period on his finger.
Maybe not, but you have to admit watching him get hit by the car was gratifying
Ya bro it was wild. Hey, is latex digestible?
I pull out like 90% of the time, but that's just to make art.
Tell me why I woke up spooning a hamburger like it was a teddy bear.
I thought this guy walking back to the dorms with his black laundry bag was walking a black flamingo I'm not even kidding I had to take a break on a bench after that.
You're my favorite person
I think the paper my teacher just handed back to me had one of his pubes on it, I'm way too hungover for this
you were so blacked last night that you jumped in the lake fully clothed, then just went back to the bar and walked around like you weren't soaking wet.
so as he was cumming he sort of growled with one eye squinted... for a moment there I thought I was fucking Popeye
We all just got ice cream, condoms, and toilet paper now were gonna go home and watch movies as a family.
Condoms?
You were filing your nipples with a nail file to "make them sharper"
It was a successful conference for my sales and my sex life. Those are probably related
You’re better off without him. Actually, he’s better off without you and that’s what really matters
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