I swear she didn't look like that last week.
When you come back do you think I could print anorexic pictures of Mary-Kate?
We just stood on the porch wondering how you managed to puke up a whole piece of bologna
We went to red robin and there was a 15 minute wait so we went and fucked in the car. Quickies, endless fries, and a mascot handing out balloons- this is literally the night of my dreams.
So he didn't pull out. And I like flipped out. And the he told me to chill and opened up a drawer full of packs of Plan B and handed me one.......
For some reason I knew you were going to smell like strippers and burritos when I hugged you.
just got double teamed by two guys I will be on beach patrol with this summer. six months until the season starts and I'm already 'that girl.'
I ate the snowman's head. That is not a drug euphemism.
Shaun got a portable breathalyzer for christmas so now we can tell who the biggest pussy is at the end of the night.
He's either jacking off or listening to Kanye West.
It's like....nice talking about real estate but your son gave me herpes
Showed up 2 hours late and still drunk nobody gave me a high five. This intership is bullshit.
he can show you his cooooock\nshining, shimmering, splendiddddd
whats our policy on dating high schoolers?
we dont have a policy but im pretty sure the state of michigan does
I'm trying to secure Christmas dick. Idgaf if he has strep or not.
Randomize
