like semen in my mouth is absolutely disgusting but i'd still like to experience it
and then when she swallowed her birth control with a shot of vodka and looked in my direction, i knew it was time to go.
I don't think the TSA agent thought getting iced while searching my bag was as funny as I did.
its was like we drinking an entire bottle of mystery
I really have to stop waking up in hot tubs on Friday mornings.
He wore my sunglasses on his honeymoon..... so there's that.
Dont get mad at me, it takes two to tango
IT TAKES ONE TO EJACULATE INTO THE OTHER WITHOUT CONSENT, AND SPOILER ALERT, ITS THE ONE WITH A SCROTUM FULL OF SEMEN.
We enjoyed our moment of partial gayness together
Soooo we should kick it sometime when it's like light outside. Drink outta cups.. Be bitches. 7, 6, 3, 5.. 4, 2, 1... Sschhkiddaellladiieessscchk
Started my day with puking in a trash can.... Its gonna be a beautiful day
I feel as though my head has drastically changed shape
Check snapchat. Selfie game still on point mid vomit.
went out to hit golf balls, ended up doing splits at the bar. you're a bad influence.
you stood in front of the mirror for 20 minutes and finally said, "he can hear everything i'm saying inside my head. we need to leave." now try and tell me there is no such thing as too high.
Drunk me is having trouble keeping up with sober me's standards
Randomize
