I wish your couch was made out of beer. I would drink like half of it.
looks like were buying each other an abortion for our one year present...
oh fat girl friday strikes again...
You fell asleep with your fingers in my vagina. You made this a relationship.
I am wrecking havoc on the skinny girls by going home with the big one. She is taking me to see her dog now.
And on that day, Satan said; "Let there be the friend zone and let us get fucking high." while Jesus silently cried in the background.
YOU TOLD ME THAT YOU CAUGHT A TAXI HOME. SARAH SAID THE POLICE DROPPED YOU OFF.
You said that we all need to "head out like a boner through sweatpants and get fucked." Jager night was a success.
Went to 7-11 to buy condoms with the $20 I found on the ground outside Rite Aid. A good day for drug stores
I didn't think it was possible but he dislocated his thumb during intercourse last night then cried
He dislocated his shoulder trying to finger me last night if that tells you anything
I felt like I should've driven him home but I was holding in a fart and just needed him to leave
I'm doing the walk of shame into my therapists office wearing his clothes...I guess go big or go home
He spent three years trying to get a chance with me and finally broke me down. then he came in two minutes and was so upset he locked himself in the bathroom so I helped myself to his weed and left. Wanna get stoned?
I’m 37 with a career and a home and yesterday my niece set up Snapchat so I can sext with my 22 year old boyfriend/fuck buddy. Yes. Yes I’d say I need help?
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