so last night my mother drunkenly told me that maybe the reason why I want to be a vet was because I was conceived doggy style.
the jail released me with 39 mardi gras beads. I need details.
Two dudes got up on top of the pianos and danced shirtless. They didnt even get kicked out. I love vegas
I literally just wielded a katana to save a child's life. What did you do today?
Or I could just give you a blow job and make it up to you.
No, that's okay. Don't worry about it.
Going once.....twice.........sold to the girl who didn't really wanna do it anyway.
He professed his love for me while I danced on a picnic table with a bottle of Absolut. I said thank you and walked away.
Just living on dreams and a bed of used condoms
We fucked so hard and loud that the everyone at the party downstairs starting chanting his name. Oh I we broke a lamp.
Best part about a crippling state-wide drought? Actually having a valid excuse for not showering
Our sibling relationship has really blossomed into a wonderful mutual acceptance of sluttyness
At least they play good movies in the waiting room of the pregnancy resource center.
If she gets mad at me, that only means more free time for me. I like to put myself I win win situations. Despite being in a relationship, I still find ways to accomplish my goals.
I'm in Florida in a retirement community the fuck am I supposed to do but watch tv and disgrace Jesus
The fact that I’m not married yet means there are millions of lucky girls out there who have dodged a bullet
He looks like Aladdin, and that's about all he's got going for him.
Randomize
