I'm on that like soy sauce on rice
I just sneezed cum. He better have a damn good day at work.
Ironically her ferret's toys look like her sex toys.....this is a whole new level of kinky for me
I feel like i got beat with a pillowcase full of tequila shots.
I don't like finding out that my fuck buddy is a good person.
Im sleeping in your bed. Sorry for the sand and the noise and the loud people. Im starving
Your blankets are not drunk friendly
I walked out of the bedroom naked holding a used condom only to be greeted by half of my family. Happy birthday mom
I just let my hand run under cold water for five minutes. I couldn't stop staring at it and the only things I could think about were how amazing it felt, how cool water was, and what a wonderful world it is that we live in. Reasons why I don't smoke...
you were stumbling down richmond carrying a girl in a nurse costume. its not even halloween dude
Either of you know why the shower was on and the bathroom door wide open with no one in there at 6 in the morning?
Post breakup Disney World may be my best idea ever! Tinkerbell just grabbed my dick and gave me a kiss! This really is the happiest place on earth!
you literally stared at me for three minutes and then said "hey this tequila isn't gonna drink itself, boss"
I couldn't read the menu. I ordered the first thing I was able to read. Don't think I ate anything. Left $20 on the table.
yknow last night was like... the third night in a row alex woke me up to make sure i wasn't dead and tbh it's sorta sweet.
This is a friendly reminder to try not to shit on the toilet seat. If our 4 year old can manage it, I think you can too.
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