You kept shouting "Relax and take notes" every time before you would hit the blunt
You tired to make Beefaroni in the Mr. Coffee machine.
If youre the one that ate my brownies this morning I only have two things to say to you
Those had pot in them
And good luck on your interview asshole
Woke up un the hot tuv. Climbed out fo the hot tub and fell asleeo. Woke ip again in the hot tub.
i woke up and the dog was eating spaghetti off my chest.
It's ok that you're screwing someone else while trying to get back with me, I'm banging three girls while I ignore you.
Remember when I got my car stuck in my backyard?
I need an IV, a new head, and stronger morals.
I woke up in a chipotle parking lot with an industrial sized box of condoms and a bag of dounut holes. I need Jesus
you're hired as official boob wrangler
HIS DICK ISNT BIG ENOUGH FOR HIM TO BE THAT PROUD OKAY
"Because this is an ongoing legal matter" is how his morning after sex text began. So...
I AM SO HORNY, I AM GOING TO DIE. I NEED SOMEONE TO WISH MY VAGINA A MERRY CHRISTMAS.
You know what sucks about being drunk at 4 pm? Not a god damn thing.
God yes pancakes and booze sounds like the best night ever.
Randomize
