I loved tuna sandwiches so much in grade school it was so embarrassing
Everyday all the kids would be like oh grosss whose eating tuunnaa
NO FUCKING WAY. PLEASE MAKE HER IMPLANT THAT POOR KID INTO A RESPONSIBLE UTERUS.
Remeber, hes got nothing better to offer you than drunk words and hairy balls.
My teachers should feel privileged to see me this morning, after the amount of alcohol I consumed last night.
I threw up red last night... I wanted to pinch myself because it wasn't green.
i guess it wasn't a booty call since he got home from the club at 6:00 am... he told me to consider it morning sex
Rooting for you and your team in the Beer Olympics this afternoon...! Love you, Mom
The sun is so bright. Whhyyyyy. EYES ARE DEAD.
He texted back and said he would hook up if he didn't have a test at 8am. It's really hard to be annoyed by how good of a student he is.
Yeah that sucks. That's why I stick to deadbeat sports management majors.
HELP THE ONLY THING THAT'S HELPING ME DISTINGUISH BETWEEN THE TWO OF THEM IS THE DIRECTION OF THEIR WINKY FACES OMFG
I keep jumping up and down in front of the mirror naked. The only motivation I would be to stop and put clothes on is if you come over. Hurry.
Friend as in 'I used to have sex with her' or friend as in 'I still want to have sex with her'?
I'm not sorry for loving America more than everyone else
I just moonwalked my socks off. THAT LAZY. THAT HIGH.
Why is the microwave staring at me?!
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