Funny, my mom didn't get it when I said 'that's what she said' after she said 'it's so thick, it's impossible' in reference to my milkshake
I think I won the penis lottery.
i just broke my key off in the door of my house because the engine wasnt starting
Are they hot? And are the slutty? These are my concerns for any wedding. You say yes, and yes, I will be your best man
You tried to sled down the middle of the street. In. Your. Coat. Of course you are bruised.
The bar owner gave me permission to push people into the pool. I'm never going to leave Los Angeles
I woke up smelling like the ciroc you tried pouring into my mouth last night. I think my clothes are still soaked
Hahaahaah I keep finding little notes you left me on my physics notes... "TOO HIGH FOR BIRDS"
I usually don't buy birthday presents for my booty calls
But you'll make an exception
probably not
Man, I want to make his penis a sandwich.
We looked in every room for condoms... It was the sexiest scavenger hunt ever.
I have banged to "The Emperor's New Groove" way more than could possibly be reasonable.
he woke up this morning, drunk as fuck, butt ass naked, and he had left grandmas gun on the counter and doesn't know why.
yeah i wanted to show him what i was missing, so i decided to send him a seductive picture, like the ones where the girls are eating strawberries and whipped cream. well i didn't have those, so i sent him a picture of myself naked eating a bagel
I wasnt 2 drunk i sobered up around the time we were shooting the fire extinguishers
Randomize
