i am NOT doing that with my feet, or any part of my body
i just watched a video of two girls fucking with a banana and i thought of you.
i hate you
the liquor store owner came out from behind the counter and kissed my cheek when he saw that i am back for fall semester
they bet me shots that I couldn't give people piggyback rides around the club just cause I'm 125lbs and a girl...I had a line forming after the third guy.
you do realize that we pretended we were worms for like 10 minutes and inched around on the ground, don't you?
I'm at a winery and there's a 50 yr old woman sitting at a table alone with a bottle of wine and the only time I've seen her get up is to harass the hot dog guy
Dude she flew me 1000 miles down to see her, broke up with me 7 hrs after arrival, and kicked me out with a week left til I fly home. Thank god college taught me how to shack up
Sorry we're taking so long, this weed cake tastes amazing with Tabasco sauce on it.
fucked a girl in Bentley hall at ten tonight, came on the carpet and I plan on doing it in another building soon. Watch where you walk
During sex his mom asks from the other side of the door, "Do you like avocados?" Who doesn't like avocados?
That's what I love about being a lesbian. My roommate's boyfriend watched her finger me and then he made me pancakes in the morning. AND THEN HE LEFT.
I woke up with a dread of barbecue sauce in my hair. Drunk munchies makes me a disgusting person.
After tacos, we're chasing women.
A party without a piñata is not a party I want to attend.
It was probably bad to sleep with someone just to pet his dog right?
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