Who goes to Church hungover
Those who weren't lucky enough to go still drunk
The guy dancing on me has three visible teeth. WHERE ARE YOU?
hahaha Yeah oh well, she wrote on my facebook wall, That's almost like a digital hand job
I never Thought the day id see a chick shove a 2liter up her vag. that happened last night
being alone eating nachos and drinking from a giant munchen beermug really isnt that sad
he stopped talking to me after i tried to use his body as a surf board
traded hat for shot of whiskey. lovah yo life. only ADVENTURE NOW. OH GOD IT WENT TO CAPS LOCK
My neighbor caught me peeing on his rose bushes at 2 in the morning while wearing my Santa hat. My sex appeal has never been higher.
Being invited to eat tater tots at 1:30am by a rly hot girl then actually only eating tater tots is a major let down. Tasty, but still a let down
It was a taxi full of fist pumps and chanting to "face down, ass up". It was that 1% that makes my job worth it.
He pissed on a police station. Then expected to not be arrested. Sounds accurate.
Lets have the type of night where its 5am and one of us has definitely punched someone who has been on a Disney Channel show.
The single life is the freaking dream dude. I'm sitting here naked, eating chocolate mousse, and watching Gilmore girls. It's wonderful
i found 4 slices of pizza in my toaster, and a can of unopened soup in my blender.. wtf?
hi, I love you... and I'm sorry your floor is covered in popcorn, your cabinet is broken, all your alcohol is gone, you're 80 dollars poorer, everything in your bedside table is soaked in beer, austin slept in your bed in those disgusting underwear, I made out with your toilet seat, and for talking to your mom with a four loko in my hand
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