So after your 27th or so beer, you gave me songs you want to have used if you're ever on intervention.
I'm officially "accidentally set myself on fire" drunk
I cannot for the life of me remember why I am holding this rabbit.
I told her that if she blew me I would give her the empty pizza box in the fridge.... Why did she agree?
Sorry about sucking tonight. Drunk truck fucking is apparently not my strong point.
This girl just texted me asking me to drop her cheese. What the fuck for that mean?
So when this rash is gone wanna hang out?
I mean I'm so obviously classy currently laying in bed watching a movie while finishing my drink from last night
After I was kicked out of the last frat I blacked out, woke up in the hospital with no clothes no phone and no idea what happened last night. But i got hospital socks, thats a win in my book.
She showed up ready for sex all night.. with waters and a meat and cheese tray
Jk probs not coming. Tequila
Your "whiskey dick" is glorious but also terrifying
Acid king. Jackson puked a lot. Promoter booth. Angry security. No acid. Probably a good thing.
I feel really sorry for my toilet right now
I woke up wearing mittens dude
I woke up in my bathtub with the potted plant from downstairs.
checkmate.
Randomize
