If I don't come home tonight, I've died in a pile of gay.
Do you think the new Crest Whitestrips Advance Seal would stay on while I give him head? It would be great to knock out 2 things at once...
I think i accidentally made vodka pancakes
This is me reassuring you that I'm still alive and making sure you still are.
Just saw a drunk guy clapping and cheering for a chipmunk climbing up a tree. Classic
So the doctor told me that I am starting to showing the early signs of liver cirrhosis. Thank you Jack Daniels for making the first 26 years of my life awesome.
I had such a pleasant walk of shame. The sun was shining, I smiled at all the high school suckers who judged me on their way to school, and I made friends with an old guy and his dog.
My internship group is made up of all freshman. Their enthusiasm for education and social interaction sickens me.
I was convinced to buy a man thong.
But it's Armani so it's okay.
God I just out gayed myself.
In the store looking for it now. They put the theatre/script section right next to the gay erotica section. Rude. Practical, but rude.
I'm eating cereal out of a cocktail shaker. That kind of blizzard.
You know for a guy who frequently jumps into stuff without thinking it through, your can do spirit is lacking on this one
I don't know where I keep finding these guys, but mi power bottoms es su power bottoms.
We are gonna have a bake sale and the preceded will go towards the abortion
Smargarita sloshedurday tomorrow around 2
Bring a helmet for your liver
Randomize
