i really wanted you to get laid last night and i didnt think you were going to. so i posted porn on your facebook.it made sense at 3am
you never know when you'll meet the man of your dreams and bang him in an elevator
so hey instead of everyone buying me a birthday present can everyone just pitch in for my abortion?
I was cleaning up my drunken mess and I found my ID in a cereal box
There are babies in the room i shouldnt be high with babies in the room.
I think it was you who decided that coming home at 3AM and cooking eggs topless was the best way to end our night. Eating the scrambled eggs off each other's boobs, that was ellie's idea
what's not responsible about a pool full of beer?
I remember fighting the chubby dude and the bouncer put me in the full Nelson. Woke up this morning with a dislocated shoulder. We need to finish the rest of this beer though
Tried making out with pop rocks in my mouth. That shit is magical.
I'll remember. Also, I owe you 200 for a pair of shoes that I carelessly bought to improve my spinal structure, to improve my health and ensure that I love to be 300 years old. Like Adam. Of the bible.
she sent me a picture of dilf asleep in bed with the caption "what happened last night?"
She has dubbed herself the Pied Piper of Penis and keeps yelling about getting Cocktober started... Will send pix soon
I just took the batteries out of the xbox remote so she could replace the dead ones in her vibrator If that's not love I don't know what is
I'm covered in glow paint and I can't find my shirt. So, successful night
I usually do that but weve been going unprotected with tribal fertility symbols painted above my door
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