do you remember waking up from your blackout, kissing me ever so softly on the stomach, and saying "i love you bro. so much," then passing back out?
...She then said get into the spirit and started making firecracker noises while having sex
Fat lady wearing Shape Up's. I would feel bad making crude comments, but she has to know it's coming.
is it too early in the day to continue our conversation about penis shapes?
I'm shutting down my vagina temporarily...it's like the last two weeks were a going out of business sale...and now it needs a break...
Totally just met the chick getting nailed in our lobby last night. Should I bring it up?
Look I know it's late and I hope this doesn't wake you up but I feel like you should know that I'm sleeping on my couch in my own apartment so that my friend can get laid in my bed, and I would do the same for you.
Speaking is such a hard concept right now
When he sent me a picture, I swear my vag frowned. That tiny.
Congratulations on your lack of fetus.
He's going to be my graduation present to myself.
You couldn't remember her number so you tried to dial her name into your phone. Once you realized you didn't know her name, you dialed 7 random numbers
I almost went home with him but then my hydroxycut fell out of my purse at the bar and I ran away
He deadlifted me and I came just a little at the apex
I think I'm just gonna exercise my lungs and fingers. With bong hits and crochet. BECAUSE I AM A REAPONSIBLE ADULT DAMMIT!!
Randomize
