I've done 29 out of the 30 things to do to a naked man according to Cosmo. I don't know if that makes me innovative or slutty.
Genius.
I woke up in a house cuddled up with a beagle on a futon. have no idea who anyone is but they all call me stretch. yeaaahhh boiiiiii
so he reminded me it was our 9 month anniversary and then said "we could've had a baby by now"
dunno man, last I saw him he bet me he could eat more ranch the me, then ran off
And im sorry for wishing your girlfriend gets genital warts.
Woke up this morning in a randoms bed clutching an airplane ticket. God I hope I'm still in the country
Shared a jello shot with her mom last night. then she tucked me in and took of my shoes for me
My wedding band has saved me from at least four cases of herpes tonight.
You flooded my bathroom while trying to construct a hot tub. All three of you were completely naked.
I couldn't figure out her damn button fly jeans... IM NOT A FUCKING ENGINEER
I don't always steal things but when i do it is a six foot five dos equis guy
Great. I will show up in your office wearing only oven mitts later today.
he had DANDRUFF in his PUBES. 0/10 would not blow again.
Yo i still have 5 hrs left of work. I should not be this drunk
The night took a wrong turn after I found you smoking a blunt with a midget behind the bar...
Randomize
