so i was sitting on this guys lap, and we were flirting and everything right..well his phone kept ringing, turns out it was his pregnant wife...she had gone into labor..
I'm having one of those days where I just want to lay in bed and beat off all day
We didn't need to cut her off. I'm pretty sure the lit candle she almost drank would have done it for us
At what point in your drunken state would you actually believe that the cops wanted to party with you?
Our idea of a "deep conversation" was successfully forming complete sentences.
Whales. Broccoli little trees giant. Magic in cat form. I want my loco and juice. Black in shower. Brb remember life.
I'll come out for a little. I can't be visibly hungover at work again or I get written up and fired. And yes, I am aware of how alcoholic that sounds.
nothing like smoking out of your roommate's bong with your mom to celebrate the rising of christ
he is risen halelujah
There has to be a way to make college graduation in Las Vegas different than any other Tuesday in Las Vegas. Strippers? Been there. Getting arrested for public indecency on the strip? Done that.
hell or highwater he WILL get a blowjob in the hammock before the end of summer.
I was just thrown into the pool and now I'm surrounded by men... You would think this is the dream but I'm just confused
I invited him to my hotel room via snapchat. I'm one hell of a classy bitch
Apparently I promised everyone at the party I'd partake in various winter sports with them..
...blackout vacation is awesome. Where did you end up? I think i'm in Miami.
Hospital.
you know maybe it wouldnt be so bad if it hadnt happened before. At least I didnt blow him this time
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