I'm watching this guy on intervention hospitalized for liver damage. He's drinking the hand sanitizer in the hospital room. Say hello to your future.
Thanks for FaceTime'ing with that ugly chick last night while me and her friend were in the other room. it's good to know I can still count on my wingman even when we're 2000 miles apart
He stole her cigarettes and walked 15 miles just so he wouldn't have to wake up next to her. God I love being a lesbian.
It seems to me that once you begin comparing Jesus to hercules and calling him a super pimp you should put the wine away...
Yes, I did know where her mouth had been, but frankly I think it was a lesson you needed to learn.
I just saw that cheerleader from u of arkansas that I hooked up with over spring break on espn. My parents would be so proud.
I think I died last night. I had 14 beers..well 13 1/2 if you count the one that got spilled on the baby in the elevator.
She sent me a map and directions for a booty call. In a park. Give me reason not to marry her.
I feel like he's only with me because no one else would blow him.
They wouldn't serve more then two Shots per person, so you grabbed a group of strangers and said u werre buying them all shots, then proceeded to drink all of them.
I got laughed at by a homeless guy in a Daniel Boone hat. I have no clue what this means for my day
Well you know it's going to be an interesting night when the bathroom attendant is doing hail marrys
Okay. So my choices are the sleeping Guy who looks about twelve and a man that looks like he was the original sandman. Im gonna need a beer for this......
Apparently we don't communicate very well unless we're drunk and/or naked
We went there specifically for you to break it off with him and I walk in on you two in the bathroom with his dick in your mouth
but he had pizza... so i win
I give up.
Randomize
