I hate cats. They're so curious, it's not their damn business.
you have to choose: penises or morals?
you were standing in two feet of water, screaming at people walking by to "call river rescue".
Haha yeah this costume is worse than I imagined. I look more like a gothic hooker who caters specifically to creepy men with doll fetishes
I found someone's tooth on the stairs when I was vacuuming, and my sister found a catheter in the men's bathroom... this cleaning job is dangerous
She looks like she smells of sausage, sunblock and sorrow.
A stripper just invited me to her daughter's birthday. Where did my life go wrong?
Halfway through missionary I realized I was partially laying on his sleeping dog and idk that just kinda ruined it for me sooo
Yep. The ghost of my sex life is in your house.
So what if you don't want to be with your family. Go drink alone and watch Netflix like a normal person, don't be productive!
Can't we just go back to fucking and having your boyfriend think you're completely straight?
i woke up this morning wearing my pants as a scarf and my shirt as a daiper, my boyfriends contact name in my phone is "human sacrifice" and yours is "i like eggs"....can someone please tell me what happened last night
does anyone know where bryan is?
last i saw he was naked, and crying in the bathroom because there was no more booze.
when she didn't finish her burrito you wanted to call the cops because you said it was neglect
i made that whipped coffee shit today. took six pouches of instant espresso.
please tell me you didn’t consume six shots of espresso
:)
i can feel colors
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