yes i saw that this morning. it was my mailbox.
rubbing her clit was like playing thumb war
I felt like I was in a real life creepy Myspace message. "girl u cute" ... "girl u got a really nice smile"
I'm surrounded by too many unhungover people.
you know that dress I got margarita and puke on? yeah, just returned it.
Hmm. I hear gunshots, car horns blaring, hear drunk white people screaming, and see about fifty status updates pertaining to the hawks. I guess they won.
did i mention he attempted to milk her in backseat?
Although, I did get to see a Raiders fan and his toothless girlfriend get roughed up by the police and dragged out of the stadium. So the night wasn't a total loss.
Yeah but then he looked at me bleeding on the floor, said oh i guess you need to go to the hospital now, and left
I already ran out of vodka but I have more beer. I just ran naked into the high school party down the street as took all theirs. ...figured no one wants to tackle the naked guy..
Having a midget officiate your wedding because you think it'd be hilarious: good idea or potential lawsuit?
I changed my birth control schedule so that I'm on my period while you're gone this week
I don't deserve you.
He ended up buying the equivalent of dinner at a Mexican place, in weed
DUDE NEVER CALL THE COPS BACK
She was crying and pulled the collar of her shirt up to blot the tears. And then she just kept her head there. And stopped crying. "My boobs are just too amazing for me to cry." her words not mine please help she's still in that position
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