If he comes back to you and I'm left alone in lonelytown I'm totally going to poo on your car.
I have had it with that bitchy sack of crazy. Iam done!
nothing i could have done in life could have prepared me for walking in on her SHITTING on my rug.
Needless to say there is no second date for this girl.
yet...
i was so drunk he made me beileve the song was called "thanksgiving sex."
Piggyback rides are my preferred mode of transportation.
all i remember is being at the diner with her at 3am and her storming into the kitchen to make sure the chef gave me regular fries instead of home fries.
got extra credit for showing up to class before a holiday. it hit me 5 minutes later that she meant easter....
Every time you blow me I should make a paper crane and we'll make them into a chain and hang them from the ceiling. And then whenever we have people over and they ask what the cranes are for I'll say "reminders" and wink at you.
WHAT DID YOU SAW VERBATIM. VERBATIM IS SOBER FOR WORD FOR WORD
Although I would ideally cut back on smoking weed, imagine what getting high and looking for our spirit animals would be like
I just remember looking over and seeing you on top of him and us high fiving. That's when I knew we'd be perfect roommates
He let me finish eating my sandwich while I sat his face. I think I'm in love with this little eager beaver.
I just found weed in my bra #magicboobs2k16
You know you suck at relationships when you are sitting in the airport on Christmas day, alone, swiping on Tinder.
These rednecks don't fuck around. This party is completely BYOB and we now have 6 kegs, 3 of which have already been emptied.
Randomize
