you always know who the new freshman are on fb because theyre always wearing prom dresses
i always forget guys have bellybuttons
I just threw up, I'm either bulemic or pregnant, and I'm now accepting bets on which it is
it can't be normal that my body odor smells like fries
I just met his wife...she told me they have been having marriage problems and are spending his paychecks on marriage counseling...then she cried on my shoulder...NOW i feel like a bitch.
Just kicked a guy in his penis in order to win a dance contest on Bourbon....desperate.
Don't count me out just yet. Considering bartering a blowjob to see if that boy from work will take my shift.
You crawled everywhere and rolled in ice cream. No more vodka for a month.
You are NEVER going to guess whose penis was JUST in my mouth!!!
I'll give you a hint, we ate paste with him in kindergarten.
Dad says your scarf isnt fooling anyone and u look like a douchebag, its literally the perfect time to tell him your gay
He just sent me the contact information about getting the Zebra for graduation...
Holy high batman
The hairdryer was like a fuckin obstacle course
Another beautiful Sunday, another beautiful day the stick is not positive. Amen.
I love how encouraging you are, but I need you to stop me when the guy I'm going home with is a dead ringer for Nick Cage.
Oh man I knew I took that Molly too soon, talkin to some Scottish people lol but don’t like rollin in pizza restaurants.
Randomize
