Cut to me doing the walk of shame to work from a hotel.
I wish i could go to google and type in drug dealers and it would bring up a number, a product and direction
my parents are out trying to convince the local liquor stores to post "do not sell our daughter alcohol" flyers. i'm preping my defense now.
so i never found you. but i found vodka. so its kinda the same
Instead of centeral air we are getting a margaritaville machine. Thought you would enjoy our logic
apparently i was cut off before i even walked in
We were all definitely blackout with drunk goggles on, even though you and Amanda were the only ones dressed up as it.
I wore sweatpants. When I show up to a booty call in sweatpants there's your warning
Okay. So my choices are the sleeping Guy who looks about twelve and a man that looks like he was the original sandman. Im gonna need a beer for this......
When I tell my children how I survived hurricane Sandy I'll probably leave out the threesome
I will have you again some day my love. And our divorce will be magnificent
He brought me four big burritos and two joints! He can sleep with his bank teller any time he wants!
I sang Sweet Caroline with a homeless man and made him 25 bucks. Redbull vodka gives you wings!
I almost rear ended this hot guy driving a Porsche Cayenne just so I could get his phone number
i told her we had a class about unicorns together. i'd say it was a good night
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