i found literally half of a double sided dildo in my shower. i guess someone went home happy.
just cuze she's 16 doesn't mean it's illegal to add her on facebook
Then we managed to set a grill and all 24lbs of meat on it on fire. I didn't help because I was filled with alcohol and extra flammable.
the choice between paying your electricity bill and getting herpes medicine is a tough one.
I woke up to my dog puking on my bed. Looks like it was a successful night for us all.
I'm gonna go drown myself in the shower. Make sure to cover me up before the paramedics arrive. I'm too fat to be seen naked right now.
merry christmas to all and to all I give the mystery rash.
Admit it. It's a brilliant plan with hundreds of possible repercutions.
Understatement of the year.
Youre the drunk baby that everyone wants to take care of.
I just rolled an Obama blunt and a Romney shame joint for tonight. Vote wisely.
Ah that wonderful moment when you realise the bookmark you were using in a book you lent your mum is actually a receipt from a strip club
That was years ago. And it was chlamydia.
I'm a lady. Ladies do NOT hump the floor.
taking shots alone in my kitchen before I go learn to give a lapdance. when did this become my life?
HE CHOSE A RESTAURANT AND MADE A FUCKING RESERVATION. I AM SHOOK
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