i'd like someone to explain to me why my clothes are all sticky. including my fanny pack. yes, this is a mass text.
can you imagine how much money lesbians save on birth control?!?
bitches.
I don't call you at 3 in the morning to start a fucking relationship.
You were pretty committed to that cat costume. Between pukes, you would meow and assure people that you just had a hairball you couldn't get out...
Whoever put the tambourine in the dryer is a douche. Worst hangover wakeup ever
UPDATE: WE WILL BE HITTING THE BATMAN PINATA WITH A SWORD
OH MY GOD I CAN'T WAIT TO BONE YOUR EX BOYFRIEND. HOW AWKWARD IS THIS?
I call BS on that! THAT WAS TOTALLY AN INTERCEPTION. JENNINGS HAD THAT.
PEOPLE ARE FLIPPING FURNITURE HERE. IN THE ROOM ABOVE ME. I HEARD SOMEONE WOOKIE CALL IN ANGER FROM SOMEWHERE IN THIS BUILDING.
I'd be lying if I said I wasn't scared, even a little.
You did it first. I was merely expressing my support for you, by pressing my testicles against a window.
Lets trade lives
And i will lay in bed and piss all over everywhere, drink whiskey and have sex with married bears
She was doing hand motions and used straws from drinks like those airport light batons to have me back my "747 jumbo dick" towards you.
Remind me to tell you all about the topless girl on the street who attempted to taze me.
Hurricane Harvey ruined my dick appt. WTF?!
That's why we have robots to masturbate for us
He's hot, clean, can actually cook, and best of all isn't a narcissistic prick. I found a unicorn.
Ride that fucker.
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