Good luck man
I dont need it. Shes easy.
Things on my life to do list: hold a pound of marijuana. Check.
vicodin is the reason why I believe in magic
just friend requested my arresting officer from last night. too soon??
They're sharing a mixed drink at a bar with straws...its like a disney movie with booze
Even tho I saw his penis. He is still a really nice guy.
keep an eye on me. i'm afraid that after a few more drinks i'll ask to borrow his wheelchair.
I think we should roll her a welcome back, sorry your godmom's on life support blunt.
I'm so in the Halloween spirit, I zombified my all of my nudes on my phone. Tell me this isn't creative.
A group of drunk Marines just serenaded me, never leaving this place
I flashed my cleaning lady and don't remember who I went on a date with. I know who I woke up with though, that counts right?
I found where he bartends and I guarantee you that in approximately nine months from this Friday, you will have a niece
I am 5' 11" of pure, uncut Fuck Off right now.
I just broke into my house with a butter knife. It kinda scares me just how easy that was.
I love Texas men! TSA agent found my vibrator, nodded approvingly, and said, “You have a nice night, ma’am” with a cowboy accent. I almost made out with him on the spot
Randomize
