This guy legit just tried to LSAT formal logic his way into my pants. Contrapositives and everything.
I never thought to pass out in a hotel lobby rather then paying for a hotel room until you taught me that's acceptable at the Hilton
She carries a brick in her purse. I wouldn't get in a fight with her
The Ex's are trying to talk to the GF. Game face bro.
Two words. Shotgunning Cognac.
This has already gotten way out of hand
He has in a pan: ten pieces of bacon, two cloves of garlic, an egg (not scrambled or hard boiled, just an egg) and frozen corn.
I remember all the people and all the acts I just have to match the person with the act
So aparently telling your roommate you're going to spoon them so hard in the public place of their employment is inappropriate
Annnnddddd this chick is using a hand puppet made of a sock to give her research presentation...
WTF YOU SHOULDNT BREAK A SWEAT TAKING A SHIT. MY BODY HATES ME.
Hot dogs and hydrocodine is NOT the combo of champions
He was an asshole the entire night and then tried to touch my dick in a Michaels craft store.
Sooooo, no second date?
I don't give a shit if you judge. This isn't about you or anyone else. This is about me and my chicken tenders.
This is either the best idea i've ever had or the worst. stay tuned.
You like pics of my balls that much?
I am at the store looking at frames as we text...
Randomize
