There's a woman here that looks like a cross between Michael Jackson and Flipper.
The handjob she gave me was better than the best blowjob I've ever gotten.. Just imagine the possibilities.
At what point did we agree that playing bocchi ball on the way to the liquor store was a good idea?
update: ifinallt managed t5o be in a. Horizontal position without throwing up... the snmall victories.
What the fuck could you be doing in that room to make her yell "Beginners Luck!" over and over again?
I'm doing blow on my fuzzy rug
Come join me
I just remember her dragging me inside in a panic saying we needed mentos and popcorn I have no fucking clue how we ended up asleep in her closet.
Yeah I went home with her... She had me take off everything but my shirt and from across the room goes, "Now dance. Just dance that dick over here"
Can you technically cross something off your bucket list if you don't, per say, remember it....?
Before you started puking your brains out, you took a moment to give me the correct order of the Harry potter series
We're gonna have to check the security cameras after last night
I woke up this morning to my panties draped around the neck of an empty bottle of bulleit. That is the perfect visual metaphor for my life at this juncture.
Just a reminder- you dropped broccoli in my car and then felt bad for it and named him Henry
I know. I miss henry.
Do toy wanna orseer frim onedof tjose plaves? Sry textimg with globes on
Gloves*
Out of all the words to correct, you chose gloves??
The party pretty much ended once she shit on the couch
Randomize
