Guys are so much hotter at OU. Come my mating season, I am flying south like the geese in the wintertime.
did you know that snuggie is the perfect anti-freak out aid for stoners? it weighs you down so you can't go anywhere. just sit there and enjoy the movie, that's right.
We should probably avoid doing this again, but hey it was a nice one time thing to tell the grandkids about... Hopefully they don't end up being YOUR grandkids.
Who's got a bloodstream full of margaritas by 2pm? Not you, that's for sure, because you've got one of those "real" jobs.
I have just two goals for this NYE. 1) get so drunk that every guy looks like Clive Owen 2) make out with as many Clive's as possible.
...then she kept trying to make balloon animals with my flacid penis. I'm never drinking whisky with you again.
Rule #127: If your going to try fuck a married guy, you gotta be hotter then his wife; diet starts today.
is there a reason blood came out of my hair in the shower?
head injury at diner. you headbutted the wall a few times because it got in your way
It's statistically impossible for there not to be at least one guy sexting you right now
If the world ends and i have no vodka please just kill me.
She paid me 300 bucks to spank her and call her Baby Jane. Then we drank half a bottle of sippin whiskey. I'd call it a twelve out of ten.
Putting plan B on my parents credit card wasn't the smartest idea
WTF DOES CAROLINE HAVE GLASS IN HER FACE
I'm kind of pissed I'm not hungover, that means I could have totally drank more last night.
You can't say that. Only if you have peed on the side of the highway in daylight while signing Christmas songs can you say that.
Randomize
