The football player sitting in front of me just googled himself. Only 4 articles came up. That's why he plays at Utah State.
I held a cracker & gaterade down for an hour. I feel like this will be my greatest accomplishment of the day.
Scratch that. Good bye liver, good bye clothes, good bye dignity. Hello awesome weekend
Doing lines and watching a show on hot dogs around the world ... Why do I do this to myself
Hey history final, how's it feel to be raped in the ass by my steel cock of ACADEMIC PERFECTION?
you are way too vulgar to be a girl
Dude shes not that fat. Plus, last night I probably would've done it too.
did i send you the picture of me smiling with the magnum wrapper?
This is the most boring acid ever. I feel like a child. But thats okay, I've been a child before, its nothing new.
My liver needs the occasional pep talk and a reminder that we are two weeks into freshman year of college.
I need to get off of her emotional roller coaster. I've been on it for a fucking year and I've been throwing up the entire time.
Im showing up stoned and in sweatpants. Because that is where im at in life right now. Sorry not sorry.
Yes, ur purse got stole with our condo keys in it but my slut ass saved us and we had a place to stay, AND I got to choke a motherfucker while riding him. Thats taking one for the team.
Y’all did coke off my Puff The Magic Dragon plate.😂
I told the cop I was late for a booty call. He still gave me a ticket but he wrote his number on it
it’s about to be september and all i keep thinking is what if i go (another) full calendar year without having sex?
Randomize