that's fine. btw we still need $500 for the donkey...
All I want for christmas is my sobriety back.
My mom is pretending to be Paula Deen while making breakfast...I'm pretty sure she's sober.
i was about to cum until he started doing shrek impressions.
Are you still at the party or did I leave?
Yea. You cant just squeeze my balls. They are sensitive
I lost my grandmas ring. Probably during the handjob.
Can u check his last FB check in, then come pick me up from there. Blame it on the tequila
Then this bride walked into the bar, she thought it would be a good idea to hug her & then she started playing parachute with her train.
I want to get "Patrick Kane" wasted tonight
I am one hundred percent down for that
I know you just got dumped by your gf but believe there is still good in the world. I just smoked a joint and took a fucking unbelievable poop. Give me a call tomorrow.
There is a fake eye lash glued to one of my balls.
And for some reason every time I get drunk I just want to tell you that I have a mini secret personal fan club of your dick
Did a 4 pm walk of GLORY the next day.
tell him if he brings over dinner you might let him see your left boob...or right, whichever you prefer. But under no circumstances do you let him see both...unless he brings a good desert...like coffee ice cream or something
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