sometimes i wish i had a whole other life to spend on youtube
Is there a nice way of saying 'touch my penis or i dont really wanna hangout"?
When I told her that her boyfriend was making out with another chick, all she said was "which one"
I am trying to think of a way to tell him about thanksgiving and the following weekend in a way that makes me sound funny and exciting and not like an alcoholic
A drunk hobo just gave me a fist bump. Because I know what a womb is.
It's like, "you literally have no idea who i am but i definitely slept with your brother in your bed."
Yeah I'd rather get obliterated at home.
Same here. I'd like to ensure that I won't get pissed on.
Would I be a horrible mom if I got a babysitter at 6am so I could go get laid.
Is it weird that sometimes I like to have sex for the health benefits and workout more than the pleasure
Remember that guy I fucked last month? Well I'm watching his dog this weekend while he's in the Bahamas with his girlfriend. What is my life
I'm pretty sure that waking up butt ass naked with a bottle of 151 and a note that said "I didn't want to wake you up, but thanks" proves I had a good time....god bless America
I put on that one song on Titanic so he'd fall asleep. When I was positive he'd passed out in a drunken fit, he outstretches his arms and says "I'm flying, Jack.."
So what's it like to be pregnant?
It feels like I'm hungover and when I was drunk I was kicked off a mechanical bull and then trampled.
The bouncer said the club was at capacity we couldnt get in till ppl left all three of them pulled their tits out we got complimentary bottle service never under estimate women
Want to meet at a cool spot and just park like cops side-by-side and you can eat some potatoes and I can smoke a cigarette in your face?
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