Do I give off a "I have a sex tape" vibe???
scale of 1-10 how well do I give head
5, but i have never had a 10. best was an 8 so if i grade you on a curve you are a 7. ish.
nothing makes up for a small, perpetually flaccid penis quite like a British accent
It's 3 am and my parents just came up the driveway in a limo. They didn't leave in a limo. I'm scared to even ask.
Just saw a white bronco on my way home from work and the license plate said "NOT OJ"
So there I was.....spitting on my goldfish just to keep it alive.
We were sitting in my backseat and he just kept biting me and telling me we weren't at the zoo...
After you verbally abused the McDonalds employee for not making your fries fast enough, the fact that you woke up on a random lawn does not surprise me.
I just took a shower and found half a cookie melted under my boob. Please tell me there's a reason
Where the royal fuck are you??
The depths of vodka hell.
He was like Sweeney Todd... But, without the killing people part.
So... He's a barber?
No. He's got crazy hair, and a revenge fetish. But he's hot. Does that make up for it?
2014 decided to stick it to me one last time. Right up the ass.
I'm spring cleaning all of the fuck boys out of my life.
So, I've discovered that I'm approximately 70% nicer to my mother when I've had an orgasm in the last 48 hours. It's science.
I pelvic thrusted so hard while he was eating me out that his nose started bleeding. I think it's broken. Trophy scars, right?
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