Fyi I let myself into your place, I'm wearing some of your clothes in your bed. Come take them off
Just got my rental car in Iowa...gas is under 2 dollars in des moines...this is not a real state
Let's get naked and see who's stronger.
yeah, i liked him til i heard he had a sac that could apparently smother my face.
I woke up with a russian doll attached to my necklace and a post-it note with "keep babushka safe" written on it. Fuck vodka
your ability to divide cases of beer among any given group of people equally was missed.
just texted my dealer that i could taste the blue but not the cheese. i said i could taste blue.
I think we r still a few steps from ex sex. In fact, that's never going to happen. I'm just saying on the seething-chemical-fire-of-emotional-distress-to-post -relationship-intercourse scale, I'm closer to fucking than throttling. Progress is fun.
i just tried to use a string cheese as a light source
You've never sent a girl a dick pic?
Call me old fashioned
The smell of mosquito spray completely ruined the sex.
You have not lived until you've slid down a waterfall fucked out of your mind. Fact.
Mmm vodka always tastes better when i know i have work at 8am
I'm assuming you were here at some stage because I woke up alone, clean and in a towel with mum asking my why my shoes, dress and jewellery were in the bottom of the shower.
Hey I had a great night last night but I don't want to lie to you I'm only 19 and that wasn't my place its was my cousin he's gone for the summer and I was just house sitting and watching his cat I'm sorry
Randomize
