Rosebud was a fucking sled. Gay.
is it just me, or are high schoolers getting sexier?
sorry i couldnt make it to your birthday last night. i admit i chose being a whore over you.
I've started making all these amazing things...like bananas rolled in doritos..bandritos.
Apparently you can talk a girl into leaving the bar and coming back to your tent, who knew?
Heaven was on the 3rd floor and Hell was on the first. When the cop walked up he was confused as to who the noise complaint was for and wrote both apartments a noise violation.
How is it that you get into at least one taco related fight a year?
What's worse: not calling my parents in Dallas to make sure they're alright or not taking shelter to masturbate all over my douchebag roommates clothes?
I worry about you.
You know our reunion in two weeks shall be a drunken bikini clad magical adventure right
The owner of this phone is no longer accepting texts from liars, assholes or married men. You figure out which one applies.
Just found my glass of wine on top of the litter box. Every argument ever is invalid.
it’s not easy to sexualize brunch. work with me, babe.
"Why is there a bottle of Tequila taped to the fan?"
I didn’t want to see that boob. I told her not to show me but she said “no, I’m going to show you”
you were making out with a girl because you told her you were part of Nsync
Randomize
