My 12 y/o god son's bandmate just asked me to their school dance. Still he's a better catch than the last one...
I asked my mom, she said yes...but you have to shower with grandpa.
You screamed at all of us and then showed us your sack. You're like the boyfriend of my dreams.
Never thought I'd say this but I just want to go home, ice my balls, and pop a Vicodin.
He said I could liberate his beef and all I could think about was how I don't eat veal for political reasons.
Once you've seen a girl stick a snake in her snatch normal stuff seems like Barney and friends
its 2pm. u awake yet?
ill text u back later. still peeling fingernail polish off my face.
He's passed out. He nodded his head when I asked if he's alive though...so there's that
correction: my vagina hates that I'm smart.
Didn't shower and drew a couple dicks on my face before I went to work. Boss sent me home. Sacrificed my dignity for a 3 day weekend with you guys.
Booty called 3 guys from my hospital bed
Dave is getting a lap dance to the venga boys
this is not a drill
Your phone just changed "liver" to "liquor" how dose that make you feel
You told me not to tell you found out you're pregnant..
I don't know who's idea it was to get wine for a frat party but my poor pitiful hung over self really fucking hates them.
Randomize
