I think he may have called me a bar rat, jokingly. I said i was but in a non-trashy way.
watching a tv show about cocaine.. just explained to my mom why the test monkey chose coke over food
Have you ever seen a midget fist pump? BEST. THING. EVERRRRR.
She forced me to throw up so it would "rejuvenate" me. It worked and then we took six more shots and did a keg stand. You know what I call that? Friendship.
Thanks for stopping me from doing a one man keg stand by myself clad in only a towel. that probably wouldve ended badly.
Cool, so I just walked in on my grandfather checking his prostate in the kitchen.
Prerry sure I narrowly avoided being tazed by a swat cop last night... But on the up side, we found my purse.
My flask has coffee in it for finals week.. So that's responsible right?
Thanks for putting up with my drunk friend last night. Its all fun and games till someone pukes macaroni under your fridge.
Asking for a friend: is it frowned upon to eat pizza while you materbate or does it just mean you are fantastic at multitasking?
Like I wasn't going to make out with the hot Australian sitting next to me at the Portland blazer game?
Apparently I called down to the hotel front desk and begged them to bring us pizza. They brought us tea.
you were so drunk that when the mouse on your laptop didnt work anymore you decided to just take it into the bathroom and pee on it while laughing like a mad scientist.
I finished my first whiskey and I'm waiting to have a second one in celebration when your pregnancy test comes back negative
I woke up in the middle of the night on all fours turning circles in my bed! No more patron for me!
Randomize
