it was a shit show
We all have our days. But yours might be on the internet.
omh. i just found SHIT IN THE SHOWER! who the fuck does that? and why do i always seem to find it?
did you violate me with a mr sketch marker when i passed out? i just peed and wiped purple and it smelled like grape. i need to get to the bottom of this...
Its great. Every time she starts barking i know ive got approximately 37 seconds to hide my gf in the closet and throw some clothes on
Not sure if you carved a butthole or vagina in that pumpkin but that didn't stop high Phil from mounting. My study group is horrified.
By getting lucky do you mean I get one of your incredible BJs or you not killing me by the end of dinner?
Has my life seriously led me to day drinking on a Monday the third week of the semester?
It's after 5, it's not day drinking.
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Justin Timberlake, while dressed as Britney Spears. Fuck Jessica Biel, all my 90's dreams are coming true.
I just used my citation as a bookmark. Want a beer?
Haha. I have resting bitch face. He has I want y'all to die face. It's a subtle difference
You didn't throw up on me, you threw up on yourself and then tried to give me a hug
When Dad gets to your house, ask him about the sound of anal beads. Happy Thanksgiving!
I just watched will sing pure imagination from willy wonka and then blow a banana
I would like to reiterate that I went to give lessons and ended up having a three way instead
My co-worker accidentally texted me regarding the threesome him and other one are planning.
Randomize
