We found your brother, passed out, floating in our pool, with a bottle, on a blow up mattress. How did he mange to walk 2 blocks and get into our backyard?
Eventually evolution will just give us a better liver anyway, so our great great grandkids should THANK us for our binge drinking.
random question: do you know anywhere in the tri-state that has elephant racing? this is a work related question.
Went to get my tattoo today. Found out the piercing girl is bi. I may just get my nipples done to get hit on tomorrow. Confidence is low these days.
Noooo. I told you she WAS a cancer. Not that she HAS cancer. This was the one time being a doctor didnt get you laid you alcoholic bastard
He was puking up tons. He aimed his face inside his coat. Not a drop in my car. Then he thanked me for the ride.
adding to the list of how to lure in freshman boys: take dogs for a walk, yell at them from across the street, sit on the curb at 3 in the morning sobbing
He's not replying to my booty call. Like wtf. You have ONE PURPOSE IN LIFE.
My life is a video game called get the drunk princess back to her castle, thank you to all that participated
She's lucky her pussy is worth listening to her ramble about bedroom furniture for 30 minutes
Where are you and why are you fighting with a bird?
There's glitter all over his bed from my Pink VS panties... I think I might invest in similar styles as a way of marking my territory just incase.
I POOPED CONFETTI TOO. Ingested unacceptable amount of it oh my god can I die from this?
Good morning 7am walk of shame. It's been awhile.
How do you explain to your parents that you can't go to the library because you got banned for being drunk in there... on a Sunday afternoon?
That's $100,000 of quality education right there.
Randomize
