You and your empty threats of no sex. Like.u.cud.hold.out.
Successful New Year's Eve:: Your first shower of the year is on Jan. 2nd... 'cause you didn't trust yourself to stand up long enough on Jan. 1st. Hello 2010.
at one point he was caressing me in the kitchen asking me my name over and over again and then asking what my favorite continent was
I feel like wearing underwear would just be poor planning
This was baby jesus's way of getting you to wait until the next bikini wax
What I love about college? The kid tripping balls has a kayak made readily available to him on any given Wednesday, Saturday, or Sunday.
We looked at pictures of a Texas banjo contest from 2006 for a half hour and then were surprised by who won. That stoned.
Drank a fosters this weekend and last weekend. Listening to down under 5 times a day. Spent 100 dollars on a sleeveless men at work shirt circa 1983. We don't leave for another 5 weeks. I call it pregaming.
I'm so bored right now i'm literally Googleing all the possible ways to get high with household items as my mom is sitting in front of me..
I don't want to hear about you making out with a high schooler. I just had the best sex of my life. My face and arms went numb in the middle of it.
I got a thank you card in the mail from the virgin i slept with on the camping trip. Weird or the new classy?
That hot shower felt like it washed away all of my problems... Except being pregnant... Ps just found out I'm pregnant. Fuck.
I DONT HAVE THE SOCIAL SKILLS TO EXPLAIN THAT YOU DIED EATING MY PUSSY
The tequila monkeys have a drum solo in my skull right now. I can't imagine Emily feels better.
Um so I might have accidentally on accident maybe blew up the bottom half of your truck...
Randomize
