ill give you a foot job if you come over before 4
I saw him at work today and he gave me a really awkward "I know what you do drunk" look...
i was blowing him and "what if god was one of us" came on his playlist. I had to leave
he's legally blind and likes the sound of my voice, good enough for me.
When that rick ross song came on he started ripping up dollar bills and pouring out drinks on the floor. I'm all for ignorance but it was a little excessive for a wedding
I didn't want to have to tell you this, violating our brother/sister code not to discuss these things but: for the love of christ stop inviting that 21 year old idiot I slept with for six months to EVERY PARTY WE THROW.
I remember seeing his penis I just dont know exactly what I did with it
i've never been that scared in my life. i ran naked into the corner and he just stood there trying to shield his boner from the light.
I've literally already typed in by booty call text for friday night. all I have to do now is wait for is drunk me to press send
I tried snowmobiling at 2 am. I broke my glasses. You're right. Things do get out of control.
Ooo, yeah! Thanksgiving will be a blast. Can't fuckin wait for the next round of "have you found a nice young man yet?" Followed by a lovely helping of "don't worry, there's someone out there for you."
Well my unnaturally hairy chest finally came in handy. It took at least an hour to shave the american flag into my chest but I definitely went America all over that party
You should come over tomorrow. Wine, pizza and my vagina. Those are all great things.
Today, I lack passion for anything but Taco Tuesday.
Ya i'm marrying the man who can hear/smell this level of flatulence and stick around
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