Why does it always sting when I'm breaking the seal taking a piss?
b/c u have herpes
No i said "always", not "since 2003" Asshole.
I don't know where I am but the food in the fridge is awesome.
I wouldn't call it sex. It's like when you put a plug in a socket half way. It's not all the way in but it still turns on the light.
They were fighting, but then they bumped into the bong and it shattered. After that they just hugged and cried.
Thats why you always identify the subtext of a blowjob before you accept it.
Okay Im going to go have some sex apparently. I hope this chick is prepared the zero effort Im going to put into it.
she asked to have her picture taken with every guy we walked by.
i could've stared at her spine forever man..she was so deep, and she made a drink out of vodka and organic mangoo shit. i will find her and present that goddess with some fucking gummies
you're no longer allowed out of my sight at parties
I like how zombie Abe Lincoln and hooking up with a girl were on your same thought process.
You were holding onto her boobs like you were adrift at sea and they were the only flotation devices
I just dropped a chicken nugget on the floor and seriously prayed that it would be ok....I think this job is making me crazy.
I just caught my bangs on fire trying to lite a bowl while driving. Thank god it wasn't my eyebrows like last time.
Is it weird that my mother is taking body shots off my gf after meeting once?
Angels sing when his face is between my thighs. I came 3 times before he even came up for air.
Did I tell you about the swingers? Because I think they're trying to trap me.
Randomize